As the title of my post states-I am stuck in a rut and need to get a few things off my chest about my life in general. I don't usually like to open up to people about my situation but it has got to stage where I need to sound off a bit before I go mad!
Over the last ten years since I met my hubby, we seem to have made successive bad decisions with our finances. I have been lucky and gained a number of promotions in work over the last ten years, and my hubby has also seen an increase in his wages but life seems to be a constant struggle due to money worries. I really don't know how people on benefits or minimum wage survive as it is hard enough for us who earn a decent wage. I don't treat myself to new clothes, hair cuts, holidays etc and buy from charity shops. Treating myself (apart from the odd bottle of wine) is just not an option as our finances won't allow it. We have got ourselves into debt over the years after a series of foolish decisions, and spending on credit cards etc. Before I met my husband the only debt I had was student loans from my time at university but I was shocked when we actually tallied up our debt yesterday it was nearly forty thousand pounds! I do feel a certain resentment towards my hubby as he actively encouraged us to get loans and has pushed me in directions that I haven't wanted to go which has led to more debt. I won't go into the finer details but I am certainly becoming bitter in my old age and don't want this simmering resentment to affect our relationship. I have also taken on other work from home in my spare time over the last couple of years, to make ends meet which has led me to feel exhausted and limits the time I get to spend with my 2 year old daughter.
My husband has admitted he has a problem with spending. Whilst I rarely spend any money on myself, he does make expensive purchases for himself, mainly on credit which is just aggravating our situation. Any discussion about this just leads to heated arguments and I suppose that I am a bit of a coward as I just leave the situation lie. He did state the other day that he was going to try and change his ways as he knows it is putting a strain on the family but I am not so sure. He has been suffering with stress and depression so I also don't want to aggravate this.
We were just muddling through until last year when I was shocked to discover that I was pregnant again. This was definately not planned as I know our finances wouldn't cope, and also our house is a small 2 bedroom house with little room for a second child. Since the birth of my son Bryn matters have come to a head. I am sleeping on the sofa downstairs as my son does not sleep in the night so I am unable to put him in the bedroom with my daughter as I risk waking her up. I also can't put him in the bedroom as my hubby wouldn't get any sleep before work and has beem suffering with stress and depression. Ideally we should move to a bigger house, with a third bedroom but we have no money for a deposit and our finances won't really allow it. I am just totally fed up and can't really see any way forward. I am returning back to work in a couple of weeks (out of financial necessity) but I have no idea how I am going to afford childcare, and think I need to get a part time job. This is going to reduce the time I get to spend with my children even more but I think this is the only way to keep a roof over our heads.
I am hoping that life will get better but at the moment, I don't know how.
Oh hun. Money worries are so hard (we are in the same position at the moment). I wish I had some advice for you but I can't seem to sort myself out at the moment either. Have you thought about contacting a free debt advice company like Citizens Advice or the Consumer Credit Counselling Service? I really hope you manage to work it out. It's so stressful. Hugs xxx
ReplyDeleteThanks dear, I get the bads days where it just all gets on top of me! I know that I am in a better position than most people but it is still hard. God, I could do with a lottery win!
DeleteThat's such a hard post to write, but really, honestly, it's the first step. I know you're both smart & strong enough to recognise the situation and be able to turn it around, little by little. Baby steps.
ReplyDeleteAs Joanne says, have you thought about talking to CCCS or CAB, or Christians Against Poverty (might depend on your postcode, they don't cover everywhere), they can help deal with creditors & negotiate repayment strategies, making it far easier than trying to do it yourself. (But please, for the love of small furry creatures, don't use the companies that advertise on TV, they charge a fortune, and as much/more goes to them than goes to paying off the debts).
I'm plotting a debt/money post soon myself, watch this (or that!) space.
Thanks dear. We do manage to pay the bills at the moment but only just. I just wish that it wasn't just me who seems to put all the effort into keeping a roof over our heads. He had a go at me foe spending my spare time 'comping' the other day but I have to admit that most of my wins end up helping us financially in some way or other. Needs must and all that!
DeleteIt is so hard to see the wood for the trees when you are stuck right in the middle. You are probably stronger than you think and will get through it, having 2 children is enough to keep you strong! My suggestions would be the same as in the other posts or get radical and face it head on,once you have taken advice - chop up the cards, do a monthly budget together(try martin's money tips)and both write down every little spend in a budget book. However you work it out - good luck. On another note - thank you for following my blog, as a newbie I really appreciate it x
ReplyDeleteAww thats no problem. I have made a decision to really give my blog the attention it deserves. I think that getting issues off my chest like this will help my sanity at the moment. I don't really feel like I can talk to my nearest and dearest about some of these issues as its just too painful but writing it down and helpful advice from people like yourself will really help me get through this!
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