Friday, 20 April 2012
A tough decision
Well the time has finally come for me to go back to work. I am going back after 6 months maternity which is sooner than I would have liked but unfortunately like most people, my finances will not allow me to have any longer off as the rates of statutory maternity pay as pretty poor. It is a tough decision to go back so early but what makes it harder is that I am currently breastfeeding. I was absolutely devastated when my daughter wouldn't breastfeed and I ended up expressing milk for six months in order that she got the best milk I could give her by bottle. I was delighted when my son Bryn took to breastfeeding like a fish to water and the bond I have with him has been amazing. It hasn't been plain sailing as he constantly wants to be fed and regularly has me up every hour in the night to feed him but it has still been worth it. He loves Breastfeeding so much that he refuses to take a bottle. I have tried the odd bottle up to now but with no success so I have been gradually building myself up into a stressed frenzy as I don't want him to starve while I am in work. I have been sending him to a childminder in order to get him settled before I go back but he refuses to take a bottle and won't feed all day until I pick him up! I have had to wean him earlier than I would have liked in order that he gets something to eat while I'm not there. This week I have decided to increase my efforts and we did get some success in the week with Bryn having a few small bottle feeds, but when I sent him to the childminder yesterday he was worse than ever. He screamed the place down all day and was starving by the time I picked him up. My plan when I returned to work was to breastfeed him in the evenings and night, but for him to have a bottle in the day. I made the tough decision today to stop Breastfeeding as the fairest thing for him now is to have a bottle as I am unable to feed him when at work. It does make me sad because I love the feeling so much, and I wish I could stay off work longer in order to continue but my health visitor has advised me that as long as I keep on Breastfeeding him, he is unlikely to accept a bottle. Today hasn't been as bad as I anticipated. He has had a few screaming sessions but has eventually taken the bottle, albeit for only small feeds. I am really proud of him so far, but tonight is going to be the real test. He usually awakes at least three times for a Breastfeed so I am wondering what he will be like tonight when I offer him the bottle instead. Wish me luck!