As the title of my post states-I am stuck in a rut and need to get a few things off my chest about my life in general. I don't usually like to open up to people about my situation but it has got to stage where I need to sound off a bit before I go mad!
Over the last ten years since I met my hubby, we seem to have made successive bad decisions with our finances. I have been lucky and gained a number of promotions in work over the last ten years, and my hubby has also seen an increase in his wages but life seems to be a constant struggle due to money worries. I really don't know how people on benefits or minimum wage survive as it is hard enough for us who earn a decent wage. I don't treat myself to new clothes, hair cuts, holidays etc and buy from charity shops. Treating myself (apart from the odd bottle of wine) is just not an option as our finances won't allow it. We have got ourselves into debt over the years after a series of foolish decisions, and spending on credit cards etc. Before I met my husband the only debt I had was student loans from my time at university but I was shocked when we actually tallied up our debt yesterday it was nearly forty thousand pounds! I do feel a certain resentment towards my hubby as he actively encouraged us to get loans and has pushed me in directions that I haven't wanted to go which has led to more debt. I won't go into the finer details but I am certainly becoming bitter in my old age and don't want this simmering resentment to affect our relationship. I have also taken on other work from home in my spare time over the last couple of years, to make ends meet which has led me to feel exhausted and limits the time I get to spend with my 2 year old daughter.
My husband has admitted he has a problem with spending. Whilst I rarely spend any money on myself, he does make expensive purchases for himself, mainly on credit which is just aggravating our situation. Any discussion about this just leads to heated arguments and I suppose that I am a bit of a coward as I just leave the situation lie. He did state the other day that he was going to try and change his ways as he knows it is putting a strain on the family but I am not so sure. He has been suffering with stress and depression so I also don't want to aggravate this.
We were just muddling through until last year when I was shocked to discover that I was pregnant again. This was definately not planned as I know our finances wouldn't cope, and also our house is a small 2 bedroom house with little room for a second child. Since the birth of my son Bryn matters have come to a head. I am sleeping on the sofa downstairs as my son does not sleep in the night so I am unable to put him in the bedroom with my daughter as I risk waking her up. I also can't put him in the bedroom as my hubby wouldn't get any sleep before work and has beem suffering with stress and depression. Ideally we should move to a bigger house, with a third bedroom but we have no money for a deposit and our finances won't really allow it. I am just totally fed up and can't really see any way forward. I am returning back to work in a couple of weeks (out of financial necessity) but I have no idea how I am going to afford childcare, and think I need to get a part time job. This is going to reduce the time I get to spend with my children even more but I think this is the only way to keep a roof over our heads.
I am hoping that life will get better but at the moment, I don't know how.