I still can't quite believe it has been over a month, since I split with my husband. Some people will say it is early days, but for me, it feels like a lifetime.
As the dust has settled, I have come to realise that generally I am happier now. I do have my low moments, and it does still feel slightly strange, but I don't really miss married life.
I do miss the marriage that we once had, but not the marriage that we have had in recent years. Unfortunately the love that I once had for my husband, has diminished to the point, where it no longer exists, and that is sad but I have finally accepted it.
It feels liberating to be in control of my life again, and the time I spend with my kids is more joyful than before. Obviously I have always enjoyed spending time with them, but previously there was an element of resentment-not towards them, but towards my husband as he left most of the parenting to me. Now, when I have them, I have no-one to resent, and feel a happier soul.
The children have adapted remarkably well. There have been few questions, and they seem to have accepted the situation. My 6 year old daughter asked me a couple of weeks ago if we had 'split up'. I told her yes, and she looked sad for a few seconds and then said 'I don't mind, because you still love us'. They are both spending more quality time with their parents, which is a good thing, and I'm really pleased that the husband is doing his fair share with the kids. They remain important to him, and I really hope that continues for the kids sake.
Even though I feel happier, and am enjoying being single at the moment, I know there may be rough times ahead. Our finances are a bit of a mess, and both of us are guilty of not managing our money very well. I am not sure what is going to happen with the house, but I really hope I can stay here. I know I will have the support of my family, and for that, I am very grateful. I know things will be tough for the husband, as he will find it difficult to pay for somewhere else to live, with the finances as they are, but I'm sure something can be sorted.
Things seem to be ticking along at the moment, and things have remained amicable on the whole with the husband. He seems to have accepted the situation, and is now thinking more about the future which is a good sign. Perhaps he has realised, he is happier too?
I am not quite ready to formally end it yet, but that will come in time. I haven't got a clue about the world of divorce, so that is going to be a steep learning curve. Financially that could be tough too, as I can't really afford a solicitor but we will see. Sometimes you don't need the help of a solicitor and can do a DIY divorce, but it all depends on whether we can sort out the house situation, I guess.
I'm taking everyday as it comes at the moment, but generally I do feel positive about the future, and am looking forward to finding myself again.