Saturday, 26 March 2016

Our Marriage Split, A Month On...

I still can't quite believe it has been over a month, since I split with my husband. Some people will say it is early days, but for me, it feels like a lifetime.




As the dust has settled, I have come to realise that generally I am happier now. I do have my low moments, and it does still feel slightly strange, but I don't really miss married life.

 I do miss the marriage that we once had, but not the marriage that we have had in recent years. Unfortunately the love that I once had for my husband, has diminished to the point, where it no longer exists, and that is sad but I have finally accepted it. 

It feels liberating to be in control of my life again, and the time I spend with my kids is more joyful than before. Obviously I have always enjoyed spending time with them, but previously there was an element of resentment-not towards them, but towards my husband as he left most of the parenting to me. Now, when I have them, I have no-one to resent, and feel a happier soul. 

The children have adapted remarkably well. There have been few questions, and they seem to have accepted the situation. My 6 year old daughter asked me a couple of weeks ago if we had 'split up'. I told her yes, and she looked sad for a few seconds and then said 'I don't mind, because you still love us'. They are both spending more quality time with their parents, which is a good thing, and I'm really pleased that the husband is doing his fair share with the kids. They remain important to him, and I really hope that continues for the kids sake. 

Even though I feel happier, and am enjoying being single at the moment, I know there may be rough times ahead. Our finances are a bit of a mess, and both of us are guilty of not managing our money very well. I am not sure what is going to happen with the house, but I really hope I can stay here. I know I will have the support of my family, and for that, I am very grateful. I know things will be tough for the husband, as he will find it difficult to pay for somewhere else to live, with the finances as they are, but I'm sure something can be sorted. 

Things seem to be ticking along at the moment, and things have remained amicable on the whole with the husband. He seems to have accepted the situation, and is now thinking more about the future which is a good sign. Perhaps he has realised, he is happier too?

I am not quite ready to formally end it yet, but that will come in time. I haven't got a clue about the world of divorce, so that is going to be a steep learning curve. Financially that could be tough too, as I can't really afford a solicitor but we will see. Sometimes you don't need the help of a solicitor and can do a DIY divorce, but it all depends on whether we can sort out the house situation, I guess.

I'm taking everyday as it comes at the moment, but generally I do feel positive about the future, and am looking forward to finding myself again. 


11 comments:

  1. such an inspiring and helpful post. Thank you. I wish you all the best for the future.

    Love and Feathers,
    The Owlet 💜
    http://www.theowletblog.blogspot.com

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  2. I'm sorry to hear this Esther. Sometimes though it comes to a point where people just don't get on any more. I've been through this myself, if you need any advice you know where I am. Sending hugs x

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    1. Thanks Mel, everyone has been so supportive. I am blessed

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  3. It sounds like you are all in a better place, happier but of course still sad to say goodbye to what was and really good to hear the kid are adapting well

    Laura x

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  4. Sorry to hear about your marriage, but as long as you and your kids are happy, and your husband, then that's the most the important thing x

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    1. Thanks so much for your kind words

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  5. So brave of you to write about all of this. Even though it seems to be the right thing for you, I can imagine it is all very difficult. It's good that your children can see you both still love them though and getting the quality time. Thinking of you x

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    1. Thank you so much for your kind words

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  6. I'm so sorry to hear this but it seems as though you are both happier. You are very brave for talking about it. That's brilliant that your daughter can see that you both still love her so she is ok with it. So grown up for her age. You should be very proud of her x

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    1. Thank you so much for your kind words

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